Two posts in one day. Woo-woo. I'm on fire. I'm going to do something a little different today and interrupt the regularly scheduled picking-a-word-from-the-dictionary thing. I had this idea for a zine a long time ago that never came to fruition mostly because I'm lazy and also because I wasn't sure if there would be much interest in it. See, I used to have this really bad habit of writing letters to people and then never sending them. I wanted to start a zine called "Letters I Never Sent" and recruit other people to include their letters as well (all anonymously, of course). With the advent of e-mail, this problem has kind of dwindled away but I still think a lot about letters I have gotten from people, letters I have sent but mostly, the ones that never made it. I have a box in my closet full of letters, birthday cards, love notes, show fliers, etc. In that box are about 5 or 6 wingless letters just sitting there. I'm going to post them all in the next week. I wrote this one awhile back. Don't worry, they're not all love letters.

Letter I Never Sent #1

Dear ****,
You said you don’t remember anything you said or did the other night at ******* so I’m not really sure how to go about asking this. But I think you said you loved me, and you were probably drunk so you probably don’t remember saying it or you do remember and wish it never happened and that you could take it back. Or maybe I just misheard you…or maybe you just meant that you really like me a lot. I’m not really sure. So if you want to take it back, go ahead. I know you tend to be a lot more affectionate with me when you get drunk and you may not feel the same way when sober. That’s understandable. I just really want to clear this up so that I don’t make an ass out of myself or anything.

It’s OK if you take it back. I overthink everything and it’s driving me nuts. You make me very very very bashful, so this is really hard to write. I’ve been obsessing over this all day and it’s really helping me to write it down and get it all out of my system. This is really dramatic and life/death type thinking here, I know, but I’m really starting to like you and I’m so afraid and I just want you to feel the same way about me so I don’t get hurt. I’ve always wanted to share with someone, I’m really giving and plunge headfirst into stuff like this. I can’t help it. And I always end up getting hurt. I have no way of protecting myself. I want to find a best friend and all that sappy bullshit. I’ve gone through all of this before numerous times and I never learn my lesson. So if you don’t love me, please don’t say you do. Because if you do, I’ll fall completely.
--Me